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  Becky F

  11:19 AM

  Nicole, please don’t be dramatic.

  Nicole F

  11:19 AM

  I’m not being dramatic! I will not let you accept this job!

  Becky F

  11:19 AM

  Have you ever been inside the Stewarts’ house? It’s massive.

  Nicole F

  11:20 AM

  Uh, no, I’ve never been invited inside the Stewart manor house because I’m just a lowly little scullery maid, not a stunningly beautiful princess like you, who got courted by the handsomest prince in the kingdom and then summarily dumped by him so he could go off and win all that tournament money while you toiled away at college, then your father’s business after he died, building it into this empire the prince now wants to take advantage of, which I will not allow.

  Becky F

  11:22 AM

  Stop being insane.

  The Stewarts’ place is huge. Three stories, not including the attic, basement, and detached garage. It’s historic. And Reed’s parents loved antiquing.

  Nicole F

  11:22 AM

  So Reed Stewart’s parents are now hoarders. Is that what you’re saying? You want to take on hoarders in addition to the ex who ruined your life? You’re the one who’s insane. I thought we agreed after the Mayhews, no more hoarders.

  Becky F

  11:23 AM

  He did not ruin my life. I’m with Graham now.

  Nicole F

  11:23 AM

  A lumbersexual whose favorite subjects are locally sourced goat cheese and how to avoid tannins?

  Becky F

  11:24 AM

  And the Stewarts are not hoarders. They’re lovely, sophisticated people. I think I recall a suit of armor and a Venetian glass chandelier. We’re not talking Princess Diana memorial plates here.

  Nicole F

  11:25 AM

  I’ve never seen a Venetian glass chandelier before. Except on PBS.

  Becky F

  11:26 AM

  Nicole, this could be the biggest job of our lives.

  Nicole F

  11:28 AM

  It’s not about the money, though, Becky. You always told me that what we do has never been about the money. It’s about helping people during the time in their lives when they most desperately need it.

  Becky F

  11:30 AM

  And we *will* be helping a member of the community who was extremely kind and generous to me when *I* needed help, and when many other members of the community needed help. Remember the Dumbbell Killer?

  Nicole F

  11:34 AM

  For heaven’s sake, Becky, that had nothing to do with you. Or me. Or any of us except that poor, crazy lady.

  Becky F

  11:34 AM

  She wasn’t crazy.

  Nicole F

  11:35 AM

  She dropped a spinlock adjustable dumbbell on her husband’s head 57 times while he was asleep.

  But oh yes, you’re right. That is the action of a sane person.

  Becky F

  11:36 AM

  It was while her husband was passed out drunk and she only dropped it 12 times and it was because he’d just beat her and their three children nearly to death.

  That’s why Judge Stewart instructed the jury to consider a verdict of justifiable homicide.

  The judge had seen her—and her children—in court many times before, bailing the husband out of jail, always with black eyes and their arms in slings.

  I think the jury did the right thing, finding her guilty of justifiable homicide.

  Nicole F

  11:37 AM

  Okay so because Reed Stewart’s dad was a social justice warrior while in his prime, you want to take this job?

  Becky F

  11:38 AM

  It’s more complicated than that, but yes, I think because he served this community well, we owe it to him and his wife and family to help him now that he’s the one in need.

  Nicole F

  11:38 AM

  You are a complete sap. I totally get why you’re dating a guy who looks like he just walked in off a Civil War battlefield and knows fifteen different ways to describe cheddar.

  I have just one question for you:

  Is the real reason you’re doing this because of some kind of need for closure with Reed?

  Becky F

  11:38 AM

  Absolutely not.

  Nicole F

  11:38 AM

  Do you swear on Dad’s urn?

  Becky F

  11:40 AM

  Nicole!

  Nicole F

  11:40 AM

  Do you?

  Becky F

  11:41 AM

  Fine, yes, if I must. We need to find a place to bury that, by the way. Or sprinkle the ashes. Maybe over Lake Bloomville. Dad liked to go fishing, remember?

  Nicole F

  11:41 AM

  Mom likes talking to it at night. Haven’t you heard her?

  Becky F

  11:41 AM

  I thought she was on the phone. That’s kind of sweet, I guess.

  Are we good now?

  Nicole F

  11:42 AM

  Only if you promise there’ll be Dumpsters. I know how you love a Dumpster.

  Becky F

  11:42 AM

  I’m envisioning Dumpsters AND a couple of portable on demand storage units at the very least, since the Stewarts don’t know where they’re going yet.

  Nicole F

  11:43 AM

  Things are becoming clearer to me. And didn’t you say they live on the golf course?

  Becky F

  11:43 AM

  Near the country club. Yes.

  Nicole F

  11:43 AM

  Now I get it. This IS about closure after all.

  What would be more satisfying revenge than plopping down a bunch of PODs and a Dumpster or two in front of Reed Stewart’s parents’ magnificent mansion RIGHT IN FRONT of all of his rich friends at the country club where he humiliated you in 12th grade?

  And then ripping his parents’ house apart, and throwing all their nice stuff into those Dumpsters?

  Like that chandelier.

  Becky F

  11:44 AM

  No, Nicole. That is not it at all. There will be no throwing of Venetian glass chandeliers into Dumpsters.

  Nicole F

  11:45 AM

  Sure. Sure.

  But I like where this is going.

  Especially since we have that six week credit with Hoosier Disposal.

  Becky F

  11:47 AM

  Seriously. Do not start scheduling Dumpsters yet. Let me contact Carly Stewart to find out more about what’s going on. She may not even end up hiring us.

  Nicole F

  11:48 AM

  Oh, right. Who else are they going to hire?

  Becky F

  11:48 AM

  Well, you never know. Maybe she’ll talk to Reed and he’ll say booking me is a conflict of interest. It would be kind of a weird thing, you know, to have your ex clean out your childhood home.

  Nicole F

  11:49 AM

  That he hasn’t visited in a decade? Like he should be allowed any say in the matter.

  Becky F

  11:50 AM

  Nicole, I know it’s hard, but let’s try to be professional where Reed is concerned, just in case we do end up having to work with him.

  Nicole F

  11:52 AM

  Fine. I’ll try. But you can’t make me like him.

  Becky F

  11:53 AM

  Trust me, I would never dream of asking you to.

  From: [email protected]

  To: Carly [email protected]

  Sent: March 14 12:16:07 PM

  Subject: Re: Senior Moving Consultant

  Dear Carly,

  I do remember Reed, and of course his parents. The Judge and Mrs. S
tewart were very generous to me when my father was first diagnosed with cancer. Of course I’ll try to help them through their current difficulty as best I can.

  Normally in cases like this the first step is to meet at the clients’ home so that I can do an assessment. I’m sure you’d probably like an estimate of the cost of the packing and removal of your in-laws’ belongings (although since we don’t yet know where they’re going, it will not be possible to give you an estimate for shipping).

  If you could let me know the earliest dates when it would be convenient to meet with you and your in-laws at their home, so I could begin my assessment, that would be great, as right now our spring calendar is very full.

  Looking forward to working with you, and of course the Stewarts, whom I’ve always very much admired.

  Sincerely,

  Becky Flowers

  Becky Flowers, Certified Senior Move Manager

  Moving Up! Consulting LLC, President

  From: Carly [email protected]

  To: [email protected]

  Sent: March 14 1:01:17 PM

  Subject: Senior Moving Consultant

  Dear Becky,

  Thanks so much for agreeing to take on our case!

  Would it be possible for us to meet at my in-laws’ tomorrow at noon? Since my father-in-law hasn’t yet entirely accepted the idea of relocating, I think it might be nice to meet with him over lunch, which I’ll bring with me as a way to “sweeten” him up. He and my mother-in-law, Connie, don’t cook much at home anymore, as you’ll see for yourself.

  If that time works for you, do you have a favorite dish I could pick up for you from Shenanigans? My treat!

  Their home, in case you don’t remember, is at 65 Country Club Road. You can’t miss it, it’s the oldest home in the area, and looks it.

  Thank you so much for agreeing to this! You have no idea how grateful I am.

  Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs

  From: [email protected]

  To: Carly [email protected]

  Sent: March 14 2:06:17 PM

  Subject: Re: Senior Moving Consultant

  Noon tomorrow sounds great. I do know where the house is. And a Shenanigans Fiesta Chicken Chopped Salad would be great.

  Sincerely,

  Becky Flowers, Certified Senior Move Manager

  Moving Up! Consulting LLC, President

  Carly

  10:45 AM

  No, I did not have my fingers crossed when I swore on Blinky’s life that I wouldn’t contact Becky Flowers. That would be childish.

  How’s it going with your parents? I take it from the fact that you keep leaving voice messages from their landline instead of texting from your own phone that you either forgot to charge your cell this morning or you’re in their basement where there’s no service.

  I hope you’re having fun down there with all the judge’s gavels and your mom’s cat figurines.

  Carly

  11:05 AM

  Well, I don’t know what to tell you, but personally I think the fact that your dad is giving you such a detailed history of each of his gavels is a good sign. It means he might be ready to part with them.

  Carly

  11:37 AM

  No, Marshall, I’m not going to look up the value of a box of Stayfree Maxi Pads from 1982 for you. I don’t think they’re worth anything at all. I’m actually working right now.

  You remember work, don’t you? A place we both used to go.

  Carly

  11:42 AM

  You’re not going to believe this, but I actually got us a listing.

  It’s the old Bloomville Elementary School on the west side. And yes, I know it’s filled with asbestos, and that’s the reason no one else wants it.

  But it’s a listing, and it’s ours. So you were wrong: We are NOT the least popular realty company in Bloomville.

  Carly

  12:45 PM

  What do you mean, your parents won’t agree to meet with Jimmy? That is ridiculous. Call me. And not from their landline!

  Carly

  1:23 PM

  Tell your Mom and Dad that they most definitely DO need a lawyer, and that no, writing a letter to the President of the United States is not going to help.

  Carly

  1:45 PM

  Because the President of the United States does not have jurisdiction in this matter.

  Also I’m fairly certain the President of the United States has more important things to do.

  Reed Stewart

  3:30 PM

  Hi. I’m at the airport. Was anybody planning on picking me up? I’m pretty sure I forwarded you the time of my arrival.

  Oh, well. It’s fine. I know seeing Uncle Reed is pretty underwhelming these days.

  Reed Stewart

  4:07 PM

  Seriously, it’s okay. It’s better for me to rent a car.

  Did you know there’s a Kiwanis convention in town? Neither did I.

  It’s fine, though. I enjoy the all-you-can-eat breakfasts at the Hampton Inn. I find them quite filling.

  So that’s where you’ll find me, if anyone cares to look.

  Carly

  4:45 PM

  OMG, Marshall, did you remember to pick up your brother at the airport???

  Sweetie Ty

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  Reviewed

  Women’s Silver and Diamond Dress Watch

  $475

  As pictured

  March 14

  This is a totally hot “everyday” watch because it goes with everything thanks to the silver tone. It’s an excellent choice in this price range, which of course not many can afford, but sometimes a girl needs a little pick-me-up.

  I received many compliments while wearing this watch to school yesterday. The links are adjustable to fit any size wrist, even a very slim one like mine (I wear size 00, so finding clothes/jewelry that fits is nearly impossible).

  One potential problem with this watch might be that it’s TOO sparkly. Because even my homeroom teacher noticed me wearing it!

  And that four-eyed troll never notices anything.

  She went, “Where’d you get that watch, Ty?” and I was like, “None of your business,” because I didn’t want her to know I borrowed my mom’s credit card out of her wallet to buy it off this site.

  But of course she must have fully suspected something was amiss since she told the principal who called my mom (everyone in this school, for which my parents pay $20,000 a year in tuition each for me and my brother, is a narc).

  So then my mom came to school—my dad couldn’t because he owns a restaurant and he’s always really busy. My mom’s just a lawyer—and asked where I got the watch.

  Since I couldn’t tell her the truth, she decided I must have shoplifted it.

  LOL can you believe it? My own mom thinks I’m a full on thief.

  If only she knew the kind of crap my brother Tony Jr. does on a daily basis. She’d completely freak. Tony Jr.’s only goal is to be OG—original gangster.

  I’ve told Tony Jr. that that isn’t a very practical goal. At the very least he should learn a skill that will enable him to get a job that pays him enough money to live in a climate where the sun shines over 300 days a year. Seasonal Affective Disorder and lack of Vitamin D due to our harsh winters are at nearly epidemic proportions in this part of the Midwest.

  But Tony Jr. never listens to me, which is sad because I’m in almost all AP classes and got a 1600 once when I took a practice SAT for fun.

  Anyway, now I’m grounded, and Mom took my phone.

  Thank God she didn’t think of taking my tablet, though, because then I wouldn’t be able to write this, or follow the Instagram feed of my perfect bae, Harry Styles.

  But Mom’s got way bigger problems now than m
e. I’m not talking about my brother Tony Jr., either.

  No, it turns out my grandma and grandpa, of all people, went to jail for dining and ditching. LOL!

  So now my uncle Reed is here in town because of the “incident,” which kind of sucks because he’s never visited before and I’m grounded, and he’s a way famous professional golfer.

  No one famous ever comes to this town, except this super old rock ‘n roll star named John Cougar Mellencamp, who no one has ever even heard of and who has never even set foot on stage with my bae, Harry Styles. He got a flat tire here once, and bought a bottled water from the Mobil gas station.

  I’ve never gotten to meet anyone famous, including my uncle Reed, since my mom wouldn’t let me be a flower girl at Uncle Marshall and Aunt Carly’s wedding.

  And now I won’t get to meet him because not only am I being punished for allegedly stealing a bracelet, but my mom won’t let us go to my uncle Marshall’s house where my uncle Reed is staying, since she says my cousins are weird, just because one of them dresses like an Indian chief all the time, which I actually think is kind of cute, but my mom says is a sign of bad parenting.