The Princess Diaries I Read online

  MEG CABOT

  Acknowledgments

  The author wishes to express her gratitude to the people who contributed in so many ways to the creation and publication of this book: Beth Ader, Jennifer Brown, Barbara Cabot, Charles and Bonnie Egnatz, Emily Faith, Laura Langlie, Ron Markman, Abigail McAden, A. Elizabeth Mikesell, Melinda Mounsey, David Walton, Allegra Yeley and, most especially, Benjamin Egnatz.

  "Whatever comes," she said, "cannot alter one thing. If I am a princess in rags and tatters, I can be a princess inside. It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in cloth of gold, but it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it."

  * * *

  A LITTLE PRINCESS

  FRANCES HODGSON BURNETT

  Contents

  Acknowledgments

  Epigraph

  Tuesday, September 23

  Sometimes it seems like all I ever do is lie.

  My mom thinks I’m repressing my feelings about this.

  Wednesday, September 24, Fifth Period

  Lilly’s like, "Mr. Gianini’s cool."

  Yeah, right. He’s cool if you’re Lilly Moscovitz.

  Thursday, September 25

  In Algebra today all I could think about was how Mr. Gianini might put his tongue in my mom’s mouth . . .

  Friday, September 26

  LILLY MOSCOVITZ’S LIST OF HOTTEST GUYS(compiled during World Civ, with commentary . . .

  Later on Friday

  I was measuring my chest and totally not thinking about the fact that my mom was out with my Algebra teacher . . .

  Saturday, September 27

  I was asleep when my mom got home from her date last night . . .

  Sunday, September 28

  My dad called again today, and this time Mom really was at her studio, so I didn’t feel so bad about lying . . .

  Monday, September 29, G & T

  Today I watched Mr. Gianini very closely for signs that he might not have had as good a time on his date . . .

  Tuesday, September 30

  Something really weird just happened. I got home from school, and my mom was there . . .

  Wednesday, October 1

  My dad’s here. Well, not here in the loft. He’s staying at the Plaza, as usual.

  Notes from G & T

  Lilly—I can’t stand this. When is she going to go back to the teachers’ lounge?

  Thursday, October 2,

  Ladies’ Room at the Plaza Hotel

  Well.

  I guess now I know why my dad is so concerned . . .

  Later on Thursday,

  Penguin House, Central Park Zoo

  I’m so freaked out I can barely write, plus people keep bumping my elbow, and it’s dark in here, but whatever.

  Even Later on Thursday

  Of course, I couldn’t hide out in the penguin house forever. Eventually, they flicked the lights . . .

  Friday, October 3, Homeroom

  Today when I woke up, the pigeons that live on the fire escape outside my window were cooing away . . .

  More Friday, Algebra

  Lilly could tell right away something was up. Oh, she swallowed the whole story . . .

  Really Late on Friday,

  Lilly Moscovitz’s Bedroom

  Okay, so I blew off Mr. Gianini’s help session after school. I know I shouldn’t have. Believe me . . .

  Saturday, October 4,

  Early, Still Lilly’s Place

  Why do I always have such a good time when I spend the night at Lilly’s? I mean, it’s not like they’ve got stuff . . .

  Later on Saturday

  The whole way home from Lilly’s I worried about what my mom and dad were going to say . . .

  Saturday Night

  I can’t even believe what a loser I am. I mean, Saturday night, alone with my DAD!

  Sunday, October 5

  I can’t believe Mr. Gianini told her. I can’t believe he told my mother I skipped his stupid review session . . .

  Monday, October 6, 3 a.m.

  I’ve been up all night, worrying about getting caught cheating. What will happen . . .

  Monday, October 6, 4 a.m.

  I tried washing the quadratic formula off my shoe, but it won’t come off!

  Monday, October 6, 7 a.m.

  Decided to wear my Docs and throw my high-tops away on the way to school . . .

  Monday, October 6, 9 a.m.

  Realized in the car on the way to school that I could have taken the laces out of my high-tops . . .

  Monday, October 6, G & T

  Okay. I admit it. I looked.

  Fat lot of good it did me, too.

  Tuesday, October 7

  Ode to Algebra

  Thrust into this dingy classroom . . .

  Wednesday, October 8

  Oh no.

  She’s here.

  Thursday, October 9

  I found out why.

  She’s giving me princess lessons.

  Friday, October 10

  Princess lessons.

  I am not kidding. I have to go straight . . .

  Saturday, October 11, 9:30 a.m.

  So I was right: Lilly does think the reason I’m not participating in the taping today is because . . .

  Saturday, October 11

  I can never go to school again. I can never go anywhere again. I will never leave this loft, ever, ever again.

  Later on Saturday

  Well, I don’t know who Lilly Moscovitz thinks she is, but I sure know who she isn’t: my friend.

  Past Midnight, Sunday, October 12

  She still hasn’t called.

  Sunday, October 12

  Oh my God. I am so embarrassed. I wish I could disappear. You will never believe what just happened.

  Later on Sunday

  Oh, okay. According to my mom, who just came into my room, Mr. Gianini spent the night on the futon couch . . .

  Even Later on Sunday

  I just turned on my computer to look up some stuff about Afghanistan on the Internet . . .

  Even Later on Sunday

  Just when I thought things might be looking very slightly up, my dad called.

  Monday, October 13, Algebra

  When Lars pulled up in front of Lilly’s building to pick her up for school, her doorman said she’d already left.

  Later on Monday, French

  So even if Lilly and I weren’t in a fight, I wouldn’t have been able to sit with her at lunch today.

  Later on Monday

  Oh my God. I am in so much trouble. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before!

  Monday Night

  Well, I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I have detention for a week . . .

  Tuesday, October 14, Homeroom

  No Lilly again this morning. Not that I expected there to be. But I made Lars stop at her place anyway . . .

  More Tuesday, Algebra

  Oh my God. I can’t even believe this. But it must be true, since Shameeka just told me.

  More Tuesday, English

  No boy will ever ask me out. Ever. EVERYONE has a date to the Cultural Diversity Dance . . .

  More Tuesday, French

  Today in G & T, in between showing me how to carry over, Michael Moscovitz complimented me . . .

  Tuesday Night

  Grandmère says Tina Hakim Baba sounds like a much better friend for me than Lilly Moscovitz.

  Wednesday, October 15, Homeroom

  No Lilly again today. Lars suggested we’d make better time if we just drove straight to school . . .

  Later on Wednesday, Before Algebra

  This totally weird thing happened. Josh Richter came up to his locker to put his Trig book away . .
.

  Wednesday, Principal Gupta’s Office

  It’s over.

  I’m dead.

  More Wednesday, English

  It isn’t fair. This is totally, completely unfair.

  More Wednesday, French Class

  I guess I should have my picture on the front of the Post more often.

  Wednesday Night

  No wonder my dad was so mad about Carol Fernandez’s article! When Lars and I walked out of Albert Einstein . . .

  More Wednesday

  My mom thinks the person who tipped off Carol Fernandez is Grandmère.

  Thursday, October 16, Homeroom

  Well, this morning my face was on the covers of the Daily News and New York Newsday.

  Thursday, Algebra

  Today in Algebra Mr. Gianini was totally trying to teach us about the Cartesian plane . . .

  Thursday, G & T

  So I was eating lunch with Tina Hakim Baba and Lars and Wahim, and Tina was telling me . . .

  More Thursday, French

  When I went to my locker after lunch to get my books for French, Josh was there.

  Thursday Night

  Grandmère says: "Well, of course the boy likes you. What wouldn’t he like? . . . "

  Friday, October 17, English

  OH MY GOD!!!

  JOSH AND LANA BROKE UP!!!!

  More Friday

  You will not even believe what just happened. I was putting my Algebra book away in my locker . . .

  Friday, G & T

  Okay, so I don’t know who Lilly Moscovitz thinks she is. First she stops talking to me.

  Friday Night

  Abbreviated lesson with Grandmère today because of my spending the night at Tina’s.

  Saturday, October 18

  When I got home, the first thing I did was check to make sure Josh hadn’t called to cancel.

  More Saturday

  Well, I’m sitting here in my new dress, my new shoes, my new nails, and my new panty hose . . .

  Saturday Night,

  Ladies’ Room, Tavern on the Green

  Okay, so I lied. I brought this book anyway. I made Lars carry it.

  Later Saturday Night,

  Girls’ Room, Albert Einstein High School

  Why?

  Why??

  Sunday, October 19

  I just woke up from the strangest dream.In my dream, Lilly and I weren’t fighting anymore . . .

  Sunday Night

  Grandmère showed up at the loft today with Dad in tow. Dad wanted to find out how things went at the dance.

  About the Author

  Tuesday, September 23

  Sometimes it seems like all I ever do is lie.

  My mom thinks I’m repressing my feelings about this. I say to her, "No, Mom, I’m not. I think it’s really neat. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy."

  Mom says, "I don’t think you’re being honest with me."

  Then she hands me this book. She tells me she wants me to write down my feelings in this book, since, she says, I obviously don’t feel I can talk about them with her.

  She wants me to write down my feelings? Okay, I’ll write down my feelings:

  I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE’S DOING THIS TO ME!

  Like everybody doesn’t already think I’m a freak. I’m practically the biggest freak in the entire school. I mean, let’s face it: I’m five foot nine, flat-chested, and a freshman. How much more of a freak could I be?

  If people at school find out about this, I’m dead. That’s it. Dead.

  Oh, God, if you really do exist, please don’t let them find out about this.

  There are four million people in Manhattan, right? That makes about two million of them guys. So out of TWO MILLION guys, she has to go out with Mr. Gianini. She can’t go out with some guy I don’t know. She can’t go out with some guy she met at D’Agostinos or wherever. Oh, no.

  She has to go out with my Algebra teacher.

  Thanks, Mom. Thanks a whole lot.

  Wednesday, September 24, Fifth Period

  Lilly’s like, "Mr. Gianini’s cool."

  Yeah, right. He’s cool if you’re Lilly Moscovitz. He’s cool if you’re good at Algebra, like Lilly Moscovitz. He’s not so cool if you’re flunking Algebra, like me.

  He’s not so cool if he makes you stay after school EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY DAY from 2:30 to 3:30 to practice the FOIL method when you could be hanging out with all your friends. He’s not so cool if he calls your mother in for a parent/teacher conference to talk about how you’re flunking Algebra, then ASKS HER OUT.

  And he’s not so cool if he’s sticking his tongue in your mom’s mouth.

  Not that I’ve actually seen them do this. They haven’t even been on their first date yet. And I don’t think my mom would let a guy put his tongue in her mouth on the first date.

  At least, I hope not.

  I saw Josh Richter stick his tongue in Lana Weinberger’s mouth last week. I had this totally close-up view of it, since they were leaning up against Josh’s locker, which is right next to mine. It kind of grossed me out.

  Though I can’t say I’d mind if Josh Richter kissed me like that. The other day Lilly and I were at Bigelows picking up some alpha hydroxy for Lilly’s mom, and I noticed Josh waiting at the checkout counter. He saw me and he actually sort of smiled and said, "Hey."

  He was buying Drakkar Noir, a men’s cologne. I got a free sample of it from the salesgirl. Now I can smell Josh whenever I want to, in the privacy of my own home.

  Lilly says Josh’s synapses were probably misfiring that day, due to heatstroke or something. She said he probably thought I looked familiar but couldn’t place my face without the cement block walls of Albert Einstein High behind me. Why else, she asked, would the most popular senior in high school say hey to me, Mia Thermopolis, a lowly freshman?

  But I know it wasn’t heatstroke. The truth is, when he’s away from Lana and all his jock friends, Josh is a totally different person. The kind of person who doesn’t care if a girl is flat-chested or wears size-ten shoes. The kind of person who can see beyond all that into the depths of a girl’s soul. I know because when I looked into his eyes that day at Bigelows, I saw the deeply sensitive person inside him, struggling to get out.

  Lilly says I have an overactive imagination and a pathological need to invent drama in my life. She says the fact that I’m so upset about my mom and Mr. G is a classic example.

  "If you’re that upset about it, just tell your mom," Lilly says. "Tell her you don’t want her going out with him. I don’t understand you, Mia. You’re always going around, lying about how you feel. Why don’t you just assert yourself for a change? Your feelings have worth, you know."

  Oh, right. Like I’m going to bum my mom out like that. She’s so totally happy about this date, it’s enough to make me want to throw up. She goes around cooking all the time. I’m not even kidding. She made pasta for the first time last night in like months. I had already opened the Suzie’s Chinese take-out menu, and she says, "Oh, no cold sesame noodles tonight, honey. I made pasta."

  Pasta! My mom made pasta!

  She even observed my rights as a vegetarian and didn’t put any meatballs in the sauce.

  I don’t understand any of this.

  THINGS TO DO

  1. Buy cat litter

  2. Finish FOIL worksheet for Mr. G

  3. Stop telling Lilly everything

  4. Go to Pearl Paint: get soft lead pencils, spray mount, canvas stretchers (for Mom)

  5. World Civ report on Iceland (5 pages, double space)

  6. Stop thinking so much about Josh Richter

  7. Drop off laundry

  8. October rent (make sure Mom has deposited Dad’s check!!!)

  9. Be more assertive

  10. Measure chest

  Thursday, September 25

  In Algebra today all I could think about was how Mr. Gianini might put his tongue in my mom’s mouth tomorrow night during their date. I just sat there, star
ing at him. He asked me a really easy question—I swear, he saves all the easy ones for me, like he doesn’t want me to feel left out or something—and I totally didn’t even hear it. I was like, "What?"

  Then Lana Weinberger made that sound she always makes and leaned over to me so that all her blond hair swished onto my desk. I got hit by this giant wave of perfume, and then Lana hissed in this really mean voice:

  "FREAK."

  Only she said it like it had more than one syllable. Like it was spelled FUR-REEK.

  How come nice people like Princess Diana get killed in car wrecks but mean people like Lana never do? I don’t understand what Josh Richter sees in her. I mean, yeah, she’s pretty. But she’s so mean. Doesn’t he notice?

  Maybe Lana is nice to Josh, though. I’d sure be nice to Josh. He is the best-looking boy in Albert Einstein High School. A lot of the boys look totally geeky in our school’s uniform, which for boys is gray pants, white shirt, and black sweater, long-sleeved or vest. Not Josh, though. He looks like a model in his uniform. I am not kidding.

  Anyway. Today I noticed that Mr. Gianini’s nostrils stick out A LOT. Why would you want to go out with a guy whose nostrils stick out so much? I asked Lilly this at lunch and she said, "I’ve never noticed his nostrils before. Are you gonna eat that dumpling?"