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  Another protester, Ward Hicks, 59, agreed.

  “Judge Stewart saved my boy’s life. Instead of throwing him in jail, like he could have, Judge Stewart gave him another chance, and put him in a job program. Now my boy is a trained electrician, and drug free.”

  Shenanigans’ day manager, Heather MacIntosh, 37, admits that “Judge Stewart is one of the most admired men ever to have lived in Bloomville. That’s why they named the courthouse after him. This situation has put some of us in a very difficult position. There are definitely those of us who work here who sympathize with the protesters.”

  Not all Bloomville residents feel the same way.

  “This is where I always come for a salad and smoothie after yoga,” said Bloomville resident Summer Hayes, 32. “Now I can’t get in without being accosted by dirty hipsters. This seems very unsafe, especially for the children.”

  Shenanigans’ night manager, Randy Grubb, 35, agrees.

  “It’s gotten out of hand. People need to remember that postage stamps are not currency. The Stewarts should not have been trying to use one to pay for anything, regardless of what they thought it was worth.”

  “If postage stamps are not currency,” one commenter wrote on the restaurant’s Facebook page after Grubb expressed a similar sentiment there, “then why is there a monetary value written on them? Grubb needs to get over himself.”

  “I’ve got a good home and savings for my four grandkids because Judge Stewart gave me a second chance after I made some poor choices,” said Rhonda Jenkins, housekeeper, 62. “Why can’t we give Judge Stewart a second chance?”

  Shenanigans Corporate Headquarters addressed the growing firestorm in a post to its Facebook page yesterday afternoon.

  “As always, we appreciate feedback from our customers,” the company wrote. “We will do everything possible to try to support the concerns of our patrons. But we also support decisions made at the local level of our franchises, and agree with Mr. Grubb’s actions in this case.”

  Their statement only seemed to further enrage some critics.

  “My boyfriend and I moved to Bloomville because we were tired of the city and loved the small-town feel of the place,” wrote commenter Tim Grabowksi, co-owner of Bloomville Books. “We try to patronize only businesses owned by locals, and this Shenanigans incident is a good example of why: Big corporations just don’t care.”

  Mrs. Flowers said more protests are planned all week, which on Friday could disrupt the restaurant’s St. Patrick’s Day business, which has traditionally been brisk.

  Judge Stewart and his wife were released on $1,600 bond early Monday morning, but could face federal charges.

  From: Judge Richard Stewart@Stewart&Stewart.com

  Date: March 16 8:06:27 AM EST

  To: Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com; Marshall [email protected]; Reed [email protected]

  Cc: Tony [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Attempt to Sabotage

  Dear Children,

  It has come to the attention of your mother and I that the three of you—and apparently your spouses—think that your parents are too mentally and physically unfit to continue living in the home we’ve owned for 35 years.

  I do not know what could have occurred recently to cause you to think this.

  Yes, there was a minor mix-up at a local dining establishment where your mother and I attempted to gift a young local girl with an incredible financial opportunity.

  But that was only because I was swindled by a philatelist in Andersonville against whom I will be seeking legal compensation, as this is not the first time he’s bamboozled me.

  And yes, your mother and I both had accidents in and around the house this past year. And yes, perhaps a few critters have crept in.

  But this winter has been exceedingly harsh, and though we pay exorbitant fees to the Bloomville Country Club community board, somehow they always seem to plow our driveway last.

  And you know your mother has a tender heart when it comes to animals, and will always offer them a warm hearth and bowls of food and water.

  Some of you have accused our housekeeping habits of slipping. The plain fact of the matter is, we had to let Rhonda go, because your mother was tired of Rhonda’s complaining about having to dust her cat figurines, and I did not like having my paperwork moved. You know how important my reading is to me. How can I do my reading if I can’t find it?

  I understand that there is some concern about the way we’ve chosen to spend our money. How is that the business of you children? It is up to us to decide how and when we’ll spend our fortune.

  I suppose some of you are concerned that, with our “profligate spending,” there won’t be any inheritance left for the grandchildren.

  Well, never you worry. The grandchildren will receive their fair share of the family fortune. Maybe it will be in the form of some unique vintage heirlooms. Hopefully they will be more appreciative of our taste than their parents are!

  Now I ask each of you to think about how you would feel if a “de-cluttering, moving expert” were brought into your home uninvited, and allowed to look through all your rooms.

  Though Miss Flowers is a perfectly charming girl, and we in no way blame her for any of this, we never asked for her help. We can only assume, since Reed is involved, that this is in some way his fault. It appears to be his primary goal in life to bedevil poor Miss Flowers, and dash her hopes and dreams.

  As for Reed, I no longer harbor any animosity towards you. It was, in fact, good to see you. Although you did not choose to live your life the way I would have chosen for you to live it, you have obviously chosen well for yourself, and become what I suppose some young people today might consider a success.

  But what is going to happen, I wonder, if the ball continues to no longer fly as straight or as long as it once did? Have you given any sort of thought to that, my boy?

  This letter is not to condemn the three of you, or your chosen life mates. We know you did what you did out of some sort of misdirected love and concern for us.

  This is merely to remind you that it is we, not you, who are the parents, and you who are the children, and that you do not know what is best for us, any more than we, apparently, know what is best for you.

  “Treat your parents with loving care for you will only know their value when you see their empty chair.”

  I hope you all know who said that!

  I also hope you all know that as of today, none of you (except the grandchildren, who are innocent of any wrongdoing, and of course Miss Flowers, who clearly knew nothing of your machinations) will ever again be admitted into this house. Consider yourselves “persona non grata”!

  The Honorable Richard Stewart

  From: Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com

  Date: March 16 8:16:20 AM EST

  To: Carly [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]; Reed [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Nice going, idiots.

  Trimble Stewart-Antonelli

  Attorney at Law

  Stewart & Stewart, LLC

  1911 South Moore Pike

  Bloomville, IN 47401

  (812) 555-9721

  www.stewart&stewart.com

  From: Reed [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:20:39 AM EST

  To: Carly [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  I’m the one who made poor choices?

  At least I’m not about to be foreclosed on for failing to pay my mortgage, and thrown in jail by the IRS for not paying taxes, and Shenanigans for trying to pay for dinner with a 2 cent stamp!

  And I never meant to bedevil Becky Flowers, much less dash her hopes and dreams! I was trying to do right by her!

  What is the old man even talking about?

  From: Carly [email protected]


  Date: March 16 8:22:09 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  See, this is proof of exactly what I’ve been telling you: your father’s lost his mind.

  I’m forwarding this letter to Jimmy Abrams. He can definitely use it as evidence to get your parents declared non compos mentis.

  Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs

  From: Marshall [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:29:29 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  There’s no way you’re going to be able to use Dad’s email as evidence of him being mentally incompetent, Carly. The man is perfectly lucid, and knows exactly what he wants.

  If you’re going to forward it to anyone, forward it to Becky Flowers. She’s got a right to know Reed has dashed her hopes and dreams . . . at least of getting $20,000 out of us.

  From: Reed [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:30:36 AM EST

  To: Marshall [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Wait, no! We don’t have to tell Becky about this! I’m sure she’s trained to handle this kind of thing.

  And Dad said they’ll let her in!

  From: Carly [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:32:17 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Seriously, Marshall, you can’t STILL be in denial about your parents’ mental health. After the cats?

  After the raccoons?

  Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs

  From: Marshall [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:35:12 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  This is America. A man has a right to allow raccoons to nest in his ceiling if he wants to.

  From: Carly [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:37:35 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Yes, and I have the right never to allow my children to visit their grandparents in their home again, thanks to the potentially rabid animals there.

  Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs

  From: Reed [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:40:29 AM EST

  To: Marshall [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Can’t we all just get along????

  From: Carly [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:42:39 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  It’s too late, Reed, I’m sorry. I already forwarded your father’s email to her. I think it’s important a professional see it.

  Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs

  From: Reed [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:43:01 AM EST

  To: Marshall [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  What is wrong with you people? Are you trying to dash all of my hopes and dreams?

  From: Marshall [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:45:29 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  You forwarded her that email to spite me, didn’t you, Carly?

  And as for you, Reed, I never saw anybody more anxious to throw 20 grand away on an ex.

  And what exactly happened during that dinner you had last night with the girls? For the first time in months, Bailey didn’t want to wear her Chief Massasoit costume to school this morning. She insisted on wearing a new costume that she said her uncle Reed got her at the Walmart in Dearborn:

  Ant-Man.

  From: Reed [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:46:19 AM EST

  To: Marshall [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  She did? That’s fantastic!

  From: Marshall [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:48:27 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  No, it is not fantastic, Reed. We are trying to convince our child to dress as herself for school, not as the historic leader of a Native American tribe or a fictional superhero, who, by the way, is male. Bailey, in case you hadn’t noticed, is a girl.

  From: Reed [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:49:03 AM EST

  To: Marshall [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Marshall, biological sex and gender are social constructs and your child has the right to wear whatever makes her feel most comfortable.

  From: Marshall [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:50:17 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Where are you right now? Because I’ll be happy to drive over there and strangle you with my bare hands.

  From: Carly [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:51:11 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  Will you two cut it out? I for one am happy that Bailey has found a different costume that she likes. It’s given me a chance to put old Chief Massasoit in the wash.

  And Marshall, I did not send Becky Flowers your dad’s email just to spite you. I sent it because it’s unhealthy for seniors to live with feral cats and raccoons, and that is not the kind of home I care to have my children visiting during the holidays.

  I was sure a normal, rational person like Becky would agree with me, and I was right, since she’s already replied. Here’s what she says:

  To: Carly [email protected]

  Sent: March 16 8:45:11 AM EST

  From: [email protected]

  Subject: Marshall’s Parents

  Dear Carly,

  This kind of response from Judge Stewart is perfectly normal. I see it all the time.

  Often after the first flush of excitement over a move, clients get cold feet. They’re nervous at the idea of relocating, especially to somewhere they’ve never been before.

  In the case of your husband’s parents, it’s even more unsettling, because they’ve resided in this community for so long and don’t know where they’re going, and this has all happened very, very quickly!

  It would be great if you had photos of where they might be headed, so we can use them—please excuse the cliché—as the carrot at the end of the stick to get them excited about their future.

  I’m a great fan of the Judge’s, and ordinarily I would say if he wanted to age in place, he should.

  But considering what I saw yesterday, I feel that it’s in the best interest of your husband’s
parents to downsize to a smaller, safer home, preferably in a warmer environment than Bloomville.

  Since they’re open to my presence, I’ll go over there again today with photos, a positive attitude, and some comfort food—and of course some Dumpsters so we can begin purging the more dangerous materials from the home, as there really are some health hazards that need to be addressed immediately.

  Let me know, however, if you feel differently, and we can discuss at any time.

  Becky Flowers, Certified Senior Move Manager

  Moving Up! Consulting LLC, President

  Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs

  From: Marshall [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:52:36 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  You just love being right, don’t you, Carly?

  Becky Flowers should work for the UN. She’s a real diplomat.

  “In your husband’s parents best interest to downsize.”

  What she really meant was “in their best interest not to die under piles of old newspapers and dead cats,” am I right?

  She should have just come out and said it.

  From: Carly [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:55:44 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Marshall [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage

  So are you finally coming out and admitting, Marshall, that your parents need professional help? Because that would be a step in the right direction.

  Also a miracle.

  And yes, for your information, I do love being right.

  Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs

  From: Marshall [email protected]

  Date: March 16 8:59:06 AM EST

  To: Reed [email protected]; Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Re: Attempt to Sabotage