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  Carly disagrees. What else is new.

  I haven’t seen Trimble. Something appears to be going on with one of her kids. No one knows what. She’s enrolled them in the private school—Marshall and Carly’s kids go to the new public elementary school—because Trimble doesn’t trust public education, which is odd because it was good enough for all of us when we were kids.

  I haven’t seen Becky. I’m certainly not going to contact her. I know it would be the gentlemanly thing to do, but what am I going to say to her after all these years? “I’m sorry” doesn’t seem adequate.

  Also, you might not be aware of it, but my family has become the laughingstock of this town. I’m sure she doesn’t want to have anything to do with us. Carly showed me the local paper. Dad is all over the front page.

  And where would this meeting between us take place, anyway, Antonelli’s Pizza? The café in the bookstore? It isn’t like there’s fine dining in this town. Well, except for Matsumori’s Tiki Palace, but her best friend’s parents own that.

  And that’s where we went the night everything fell apart in the first place, so it doesn’t exactly hold the best memories.

  I guess I could take her to Shenanigans.

  Ha, ha, that was a joke. A bad one, but at least I still have my sense of humor. Or some of it, anyway.

  I’m not trying to be pessimistic, I’m just saying, maybe it’s better for both of us that I conduct the business I came to conduct and get out without stirring up old emotions that are maybe better off left alone anyway.

  In other news, Carly keeps hinting darkly that she has something to tell me. Knowing her, it’s probably that she’s pregnant again.

  I can see why she wants to keep it from Marshall. I know he’s always wanted a son, but Marshall will probably kill himself if Carly has a fourth kid. As it is, they had to double up two of the girls so I could stay with them instead of the hotel room I reserved, since they don’t have a guest room, and the hotel is practically in Dearborn.

  So now I’m sleeping in a pink canopy bed with a unicorn mobile dangling over my head.

  I kind of like it. The unicorns dance to “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” when you wind it up.

  Maybe there is a place somewhere that dreams really do come true. I hope so.

  Well, that’s it for now. I really hope your Phalaenopsis amabilis wins. It should, if there’s any justice in the world.

  Love,

  Your Favorite Nephew,

  Reed

  BLOOMVILLE HERALD

  LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

  Bloomville Herald Letters to the Editor Policy:

  All letters to the editor are welcome as long as they follow these submission guidelines:

  •Only original letters addressed to The Herald that include the writer’s name, address and a daytime telephone number will be published. Anonymous letters and letters written under pseudonyms are not knowingly accepted.

  •Maximum length for letters is 350 words.

  •The Herald does not publish poetry, fiction, or political endorsement letters.

  •Writers are limited to one letter every two weeks.

  To the Editor,

  It is with great sadness that I read the front page story of Tuesday, March 14, concerning Judge and Mrs. Stewart and their arrest at a certain local casual eatery.

  I find it shocking that any resident of this town would support the pressing of charges against a man who has served Bloomville for as long and as faithfully as Judge Richard Stewart, especially for what was clearly a misunderstanding.

  I can appreciate that the night manager of Shenanigans feels pressure from his corporate supervisors to balance his register.

  But surely there is such a thing as a moral balance, as well?

  In this case, I believe the morally balanced thing to do would be to drop all charges against the Stewarts, who clearly did not mean to cheat the restaurant out of a meal, or Miss Gosling of her tip.

  I’m equally sure there are many of us in this community who can find it in our hearts (and wallets) to contribute the $59 the judge and his wife owe (plus a 15 percent tip for Miss Gosling) in order to make this right.

  If paying the Stewarts’ bill ourselves does not cause the restaurant to drop the charges, then I personally call for a boycott against Shenanigans Neighborhood Bar and Grill, particularly this coming Friday, when I see that the restaurant is having its annual All-You-Can-Eat Irish Blarney Burger and Shamrock Fries special in honor of St. Patrick’s Day. Traditionally, I know that many locals have attended this event to enjoy the eatery’s green beer and darts contest.

  I am asking all Bloomville residents to join me in boycotting Shenanigans Neighborhood Bar and Grill until they drop the charges against Judge Stewart!

  Perhaps if morality isn’t something corporate America—or Mr. Grubb—understands, money is.

  Sincerely,

  Beverly T. Flowers

  REAL ESTATE SECTION

  Looking for your dream home in the Bloomville area?

  Make sure your first stop is the Bloomville Herald Real Estate Section . . . It’s Where Buyers and Sellers Meet!

  BLOOMVILLE

  STEWART MANSION

  65 Country Club Road

  A once-in-a-lifetime listing, this is the first time this home has been on the market in 35 years. The Stewart Mansion—recorded in the National Register of Historic Places—was built in the late 1800s in the French Second Empire style. Made of limestone blocks laid without mortar, these 22-inch walls have stood strong against over a century and a half of midwestern flooding, tornadoes, and blizzards.

  The distinctive slate mansard roof and ornate ironwork are thought to have been inspired by the work of the architect who designed many of the great casinos of Europe.

  At over 6,000 square feet and three floors, with a full attic and basement, this home has enough room for the largest of families, particularly when the detached 4-car garage and large acreage (three) are taken into consideration. The house comes complete with a large outdoor pool; 6 bedrooms; 7 full baths; 12-foot ceilings; 7 fireplaces; newly renovated kitchen with easy access to laundry; and a Venetian glass prism chandelier in the formal dining room.

  All city utilities. Mixed use zoning and fiber optic internet. Full access to golf course; country club amenities with membership only.

  $395,000

  Shown by appointment only.

  Contact: Marshall Stewart, REALTOR

  812-555-2863

  marshall@Stewart&Stewart.com

  Marshall

  8:40 AM

  Where are you?

  Reed

  8:41 AM

  Breakfasting at Bloomville Books. Not to malign your daughters’ choice of cereal, but I’m more of a bacon and eggs than Fruity Pebbles man myself.

  Marshall

  8:41 AM

  Call me.

  Reed

  8:41 AM

  Much as I would like to fulfill such a polite and charming request, I cannot. For unknown reasons, cell phone use is not allowed at Bloomville Books. I’m currently getting a death stare from the guy behind the counter just for texting.

  Marshall

  8:42 AM

  If his nametag says Tim, that’s one of the owners. He moved here recently from New York. He hates all electronic devices.

  Have you seen this morning’s paper?

  Reed

  8:42 AM

  Why yes, I’m looking at it now as I enjoy my Three Egg, Three Meat Combo Supreme.

  Marshall

  8:42 AM

  Have you seen IT?

  Reed

  8:42 AM

  If you mean the listing you put in the paper for our childhood home, then yes, I have seen it. You apparently have a different sort of death wish than my fellow cell phone users, because the Judge is going to kill you when he sees it.

  Marshall

  8:43 AM

  I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the Letter to the Editor from yo
ur ex-girlfriend’s mother.

  Reed

  8:44 AM

  Why no, I missed that. I do not as a rule read Letters to the Editor, as I’m uninterested in local politics and government conspiracy theories.

  Marshall

  8:44 AM

  She’s calling on the citizens of Bloomville to boycott Shenanigans until they drop the charges against Mom and Dad.

  Reed

  8:45 AM

  And this is a bad thing . . . why?

  Marshall

  8:45 AM

  Carly and I are local business owners in this area. We can’t be the cause—even indirectly—of a boycott against another business.

  Reed

  8:46 AM

  Well, what am I supposed to do about it?

  Marshall

  8:46 AM

  Obviously I want you to talk to her about it.

  Reed

  8:47 AM

  You want me to talk to Becky Flowers’s mother about her boycott against Shenanigans?

  Marshall

  8:47 AM

  No, you idiot. Becky. Tell her she’s got to get her mom to call it off.

  Reed

  8:48 AM

  Goodbye, Marshall. I see now why Tim has his no cell phone rule. I am going to continue enjoying my Three Egg, Three Meat Combo Supreme in peace.

  Marshall

  8:48 AM

  I’m serious, Reed. You’ve been gone a long time. You don’t understand how it is in this town anymore. The tire factory, the limestone mill—they’ve all shut down, and left a lot of people out of work. They feel bitter about it, and blame big corporations for everything.

  People are going to get all riled up over this thing, and you know who’s going to get hurt by it? We are. Not Shenanigans. The Stewart family. And probably Becky, too. You’ve got to do something.

  Marshall

  8:50 AM

  Reed? Do not ignore me.

  Marshall

  8:51 AM

  You’re going to have to talk to her sometime, so it might as well be over this.

  Marshall

  8:52 AM

  Fine, don’t answer me. But I know where you are. I’m coming over there. You realize Bloomville Book’s is literally around the corner from our office, don’t you?

  Marshall

  9:02 AM

  Slick, Reed. Very slick. And sticking me with the bill? Classy.

  I’ll find you. This town isn’t that big. There aren’t that many places you can hide.

  Becky F

  11:26 AM

  Mom, why did I just drive past the mall and see you standing outside with a sign that says Boycott Shenanigans with a big red slash through it?

  Mom

  11:32 AM

  Honey, I told you I was writing a letter to the editor. I just didn’t think they’d print it so soon.

  Becky F

  11:32 AM

  That doesn’t answer my question.

  Mom

  11:32 AM

  Well, I have to stand by my beliefs. Did you know that Grubb boy wouldn’t take the $59 plus tip I tried to pay towards the Stewarts’ bill?

  Then again, he always was odd. Remember when he used to wear that black trench coat to school every day so he could look like the man from that movie about the matrix?

  Becky F

  11:33 AM

  Mom, I’m on my way to a meeting with the Stewarts RIGHT NOW. This is a total conflict of interest.

  Mom

  11:35 AM

  Well, I’m sorry, honey, but I have to do what I thought was right.

  Becky F

  11:36 AM

  Mom. Randy isn’t a Girl Scout. It isn’t your responsibility to set him straight.

  Mom

  11:36 AM

  Actually, it is. It’s my duty to leave this world a better place than I found it.

  Becky F

  11:36 AM

  That’s campsites, Mother. As a Girl Scout you’re supposed to leave campsites cleaner than you found them.

  Mom

  11:36 AM

  Yes, but Girl Scout Law also states I will do my best to make the WORLD a better place.

  Becky F

  11:37 AM

  Nicole F

  11:40 AM

  OMG I just saw a promo for the Channel 4 News at Noon with Jackie Monroe and MOM was on it protesting Shenanigans.

  This is literally the best day of my life.

  Becky F

  11:40 AM

  I’m already aware of what Mom is up to, Nicole. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be driving to a client’s house and see your own mother holding a protest sign on the side of the road?

  Nicole F

  11:40 AM

  Becky F

  11:41 AM

  I’m glad one of us is happy.

  Nicole F

  11:41 AM

  Oh, come on. This is hilarious.

  And it’s good for Mom. She’s been so down since Dad died.

  Becky F

  11:41 AM

  I’m glad you can see the bright side of this, because I can’t.

  Nicole F

  11:41 AM

  Where are you, anyway? Not texting from a moving vehicle, I hope! Becky Flowers would NEVER break the law.

  Becky F

  11:42 AM

  I’m parked down the street from their house.

  Nicole F

  11:42 AM

  Of course you are. I know how you get. And that’s with normal clients, not the parents of your ex. Are you psyching yourself up by listening to Beyoncé?

  Becky F

  11:42 AM

  Maybe.

  Nicole F

  11:42 AM

  Yes. You are.

  Not to make things worse, but I saw on Antonelli’s Facebook page that Reed Stewart bought four large pepperoni pizzas last night. It may be the most normal thing any boyfriend of yours has ever eaten. The lumbersexual always orders those weird pies with the figs and truffle honey and parma ham and blue cheese. Ugh. What is so wrong with pepperoni?

  Becky F

  11:43 AM

  I swear to God Nicole, if you don’t stop calling Graham a lumbersexual, I’m firing you.

  Nicole F

  11:43 AM

  You can’t fire me. I’m family.

  Becky F

  11:44 AM

  I can fire you, and I will.

  Nicole F

  11:45 AM

  If you do, Mom will boycott. She’ll start a protest outside of Moving Up!

  Becky F

  11:45 AM

  You are not actually helping me feel less nervous right now.

  Nicole F

  11:45 AM

  Yes, I am. Because now you’re mad at me. Channel that energy!

  Mom

  11:46 AM

  Honey, I feel badly for leaving work without checking to see if there was anything I could do to help you get ready for your big meeting. Is there anything I can do?

  Becky F

  11:47 AM

  It isn’t a big meeting, Mom. It’s a normal meeting.

  And no, there is nothing you can do to help me from outside Shenanigans, except call off the boycott.

  Mom

  11:48 AM

  Well, you know I can’t do that until Randy Grubb agrees to drop the charges. And who knows how long that will be.

  Oh, honey, I can’t chat anymore. That nice Rhonda Jenkins just showed up to protest with me! And she brought some of that delicious chicken of hers for lunch. Isn’t that sweet?

  Nicole F

  11:48 AM

  Hey, I might head over to the protest to help Mom for a little while.

  Becky F

  11:48 AM

  No! Someone has to answer the landline!

  Nicole F

  11:48 AM

  Just for a few minutes. I get a lunch break, you know, under OSHA.

  Becky F

  11:48 AM

  There are no fe
deral requirements for meal breaks in the state of Indiana. You just want some of Rhonda’s chicken.

  Nicole F

  11:48 AM

  Man, we chose the wrong state to be born in. At least you look hot in that outfit you wore today, Bex. Red is a good color on you.

  Becky F

  11:49 AM

  Yes, looking hot for my ex’s parents is of deep concern to me.

  Okay, take your break. But please do not contact me while I’m with the Stewarts for any reason unless the office is burning down, Mom got arrested, or Doug in the garage has caught his finger in another sliding door, okay?