The Boy Is Back + Every Boy's Got One Bundle Read online

  Marshall

  1:50 PM

  She’s not. She’s really not. Dad called Trimble from his study. He’s mad as hello.

  Reed

  1:50 PM

  Well, maybe he was, but right now Becky’s got them eating out of her hand. They’re talking about their future in Orlando.

  Marshall

  1:51 PM

  What in the name of sweet Crisis are you talking about?

  Reed

  1:51 PM

  I’m serious. She’s actually really good at her job.

  And your wife is not bad at the daughter-in-law thing, either. Between the two of them, they’ve got Richard and Connie admitting that Florida might not be a bad move. Good weather, good health care, lots of people their own age. I guess their friends, the Remacks, moved there last year, and love it?

  Marshall

  1:52 PM

  Oh, yeah. I forgot about the Remacks.

  But dude. Are you serious? Mom and Dad are excited about moving?

  Reed

  1:53 PM

  Serious as the heart attack I’m pretty sure Richard will have if we don’t get him the hell out of this place. It stinks like cat piss. And what is with all the newspapers?

  Marshall

  1:53 PM

  Oh, yeah. Dad subscribes to four of them daily, and won’t throw them out until he’s read every article, which he never gets around to, because he’s too busy looking at his stamps and writing disapproving letters to the President about the infrastructure. So they pile up.

  Reed

  1:53 PM

  PILE UP?

  Marshall, they’re stacked up like high-rises all around the house. They’re complete accidents waiting to happen. One of them could fall over at any time and wipe out Mom or one of the kids.

  How could you not have noticed this?

  Marshall

  1:53 PM

  They’re not that bad. I mean, Dad’s always done that.

  Reed

  1:53 PM

  No, Marshall, the Judge hasn’t “always” done that. This is a new thing he’s started doing since I left.

  Becky told him it’s unhygienic. She found mouse droppings and pointed them out. Mom just about died.

  I used the opportunity to chide them for firing Rhonda, and they both looked mortified.

  None of this would be happening if they hadn’t fired Rhonda.

  Marshall

  1:54 PM

  Reed, this has nothing to do with Mom and Dad firing Rhonda. It has to do with you leaving. Dad started doing that after you left, as you would know if you’d ever once come to visit.

  Dad wouldn’t let Rhonda throw out the papers. That’s why the papers have been sitting there for years.

  Reed

  1:54 PM

  Oh.

  Well, not anymore. They’ve agreed to let Becky’s company come tomorrow to throw out the papers.

  Marshall

  1:54 PM

  Are you shooting me?

  Reed

  1:55 PM

  No, I am not shooting you. Why would I shoot you?

  Marshall

  1:55 PM

  I’ve been trying to get Dad to throw out those papers for years.

  Reed

  1:55 PM

  Well, you aren’t Becky.

  Marshall

  1:55 PM

  What is so great about Becky???

  Reed

  1:55 PM

  Well, for one thing, Becky has a binder.

  Marshall

  1:55 PM

  What the hello does that have to do with anything?

  Reed

  1:55 PM

  She told me binders give people an air of authority.

  Maybe you should try carrying a binder. You might sell more houses.

  Marshall

  1:55 PM

  What about what Dad said, about only leaving Bloomville in a pine coffin?

  Reed

  1:55 PM

  He told Becky that, too.

  She told him that if he times it right, he could die here during a summer visit to you, and still get his wish.

  Marshall

  1:55 PM

  What????

  Reed

  1:55 PM

  Yeah. Right in your house.

  That made Richard laugh, and Connie, too.

  Marshall

  1:56 PM

  Well, I don’t think that’s funny.

  And stop calling them Richard and Connie! Crest, I mean coast, I mean crust, I’m coming to get you. This whole thing was a honey trap for Mom and Dad, but YOU’RE the one falling for it. How can you not see that? And that girl is the honey!

  Reed

  1:56 PM

  She’s not a girl anymore. She’s a woman. You should know better than to use sexist language like that.

  Marshall

  1:56 PM

  Oh, Crust, where’d you hear that? Sexual harassment awareness training on the PGA circuit?

  Reed

  1:57 PM

  Lifetime Channel. You should watch it sometime.

  And I think Carly is right, Marshall. You need to see someone about your anger issues.

  Marshall

  1:57 PM

  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE what is happening over there?????

  Nicole F

  2:26 PM

  Where are you? Mom and I expected you to be back by now.

  Becky F

  2:26 PM

  I know, sorry. It went a little longer than I expected. And I had to stop at the café for a caffeine fix. I’m feeling a little drained.

  Nicole F

  2:26 PM

  That bad?

  Becky F

  2:26 AM

  Oh, it’s all right.

  Nicole F

  2:26 PM

  How many PODS?

  Becky F

  2:27 PM

  4 at least. I don’t know how many Dumpsters. And possibly hazmat suits for the basement.

  Nicole F

  2:27 PM

  4 PODS, you don’t know how many Dumpsters, hazmat suits for the basement, and it’s “all right”???

  Becky, they’re hoarders!!!! You assured me they were collectors! “Antiques, Nicole.” That’s what you said. “There’s a Venetian glass chandelier in the dining room, Nicole.” That’s what you said!

  And now we’re talking about hazmat suits!

  Becky F

  2:27 PM

  Well, I was wrong. The chandelier is still there. They’ve still got the other stuff, too.

  But they’ve added to it. The Judge collects hammers. He must have a thousand of them.

  And his wife’s a cat lady. Live AND ceramic. One of the live ones leapt out at me from under a bed and tried to swipe at my ankles.

  Thank God I wore boots today.

  Nicole F

  2:27 PM

  I can’t, Becky. Not cats. I draw the line at cats. Not after what happened at the Mayhews’.

  Becky F

  2:27 PM

  I know.

  But it’s not as bad as the Mayhews, I swear. I think these mostly live outside. Mrs. Stewart said she only lets them in on special occasions.

  Nicole F

  2:28 PM

  Oh, well, that makes it all right then. NOT.

  You’re not making this job sound very appealing, Bex.

  Becky F

  2:28 PM

  We don’t have a choice, Nicole. We have to help these people. It’s not a healthy environment. They have the washer and dryer in the KITCHEN where the stove used to be. They’ve been eating fast food instead of cooking proper meals.

  And there are stacks and stacks of the Judge’s books and files and newspapers just piled up everywhere. It isn’t a safe environment for anyone, let alone elderly people of questionable physical and possible mental health.

  Some of the stacks were so unsteady even Reed looked scared to walk around them.

  Nicole F
/>   2:28 PM

  Whoa. Back up. Reed?

  REED STEWART WAS THERE?

  Becky F

  2:29 PM

  Oh yes. Did I forget to tell you?

  Nicole F

  2:29 PM

  Call me right now.

  Becky F

  2:29 PM

  I can’t. I told you, I’m at the café. You know how Tim is about cell phone conversations in the bookstore. Texting and emailing only.

  Nicole F

  2:29 PM

  Fine. So WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE? Did you kick him in the nads?

  Becky F

  2:30 PM

  Yes, Nicole, I kicked the son of our potential clients in the groin. That is always the professional thing to do at an assessment.

  Nicole F

  2:30 PM

  No, but really. What happened? Did he apologize for how he’s ignored you for the past decade? Did he go down on bended knee and beg your forgiveness? Is that why you’re considering a job that I know in your right mind, you would pass up?

  Becky F

  2:31 PM

  Nicole, don’t be ridiculous. Nothing happened. He looked great, just like he does when I see him on TV. He was very polite. He asked how I was, and how you were, and how Mom is. He said he was sorry Dad died.

  Nicole F

  2:31 PM

  STALKER. He’s a stalker.

  Becky F

  2:31 PM

  Nicole.

  Nicole F

  2:32 PM

  Well, if he knew Dad died, that means he’s been stalking you online.

  Becky F

  2:32 PM

  Or one of his siblings could have told him.

  In any case, he said he was sorry, and he really looked it, so that’s enough for me. I don’t think his sister-in-law Carly told him that I’d be there, though, any more than she told me that he’d be there, so he looked shocked to see me.

  But he pulled himself together enough to be very sincere in asking after you and Mom, and saying he was sorry about Dad.

  And that was it.

  Nicole F

  2:32 PM

  That was it???? He didn’t say anything about what happened between you at Prom Night?

  Becky F

  2:33 PM

  Well, we were never alone together. One of his parents or Carly was always there. I was doing a walk-through his childhood home to get an idea of how much we’re going to charge to pack and move all his parents’ belongings from it. So it wasn’t exactly an intimate setting.

  Nicole F

  2:33 PM

  Actually, it WAS. You know the saddest, most intimate thing about him, that probably no one else on earth outside his immediate family knows:

  The parents of Reed Stewart, former #1 best professional golfer in the world, are hoarders!

  Becky F

  2:33 PM

  Yes, well, let’s keep that to ourselves, all right, Nicole? Remember, we took an oath.

  Nicole F

  2:33 PM

  How could I forget the oath we swore as members of the American Association of Senior Move Managers?

  Becky F

  2:34 PM

  It’s not a joke, Nicole. If we take this job, we’re going to have to perform it to the best of our ability. The Stewart family needs our help.

  Nicole F

  2:34 PM

  Oh, my God. Do you think maybe you’re a little too personally involved even to be considering taking this job?

  Becky F

  2:34 PM

  No.

  Nicole F

  2:34 PM

  Are you sure?

  Becky F

  2:34 PM

  Yes.

  Now that Reed and I have gotten the initial awkwardness of meeting again out of the way, I think everything’s going to be fine between us. We can be friends again.

  Nicole F

  2:35 PM

  Everyone knows you can’t be friends with an ex, Beck.

  Becky F

  2:35 PM

  Of course you can. Millions of single parents do it every day.

  Nicole F

  2:35 PM

  Oh, okay. That so applies to you and Reed. Because your kids are . . . his parents?

  Becky F

  2:35 PM

  Well, right now, yes, I guess in a way.

  Look, Reed and I were kids ourselves back when we dated. But we’re adults now. We’ve both moved on. I have a boyfriend, and I’m sure he’s seeing someone, too.

  There’s no reason we can’t be friends. It’s all good.

  Nicole F

  2:36 PM

  Oh, you have a boyfriend, all right. He hasn’t heard from you in forever.

  Becky F

  2:36 PM

  What are you talking about?

  Nicole F

  2:36 PM

  Nothing. Just that you might want to call Graham and let him know you’re thinking about taking on a case involving your ex’s parents. I bet he’d be pretty interested.

  Becky F

  2:36 PM

  I haven’t said we’re taking the case.

  Nicole F

  2:36 PM

  Sure.

  Becky F

  2:37 PM

  We’re probably not going to.

  Nicole F

  2:37 PM

  I believe you.

  Becky F

  2:37 PM

  It’s too big a job and we have too many other things going on anyway.

  Nicole F

  2:38 PM

  Like the Blumenthals.

  Becky F

  2:38 PM

  Yes. Exactly.

  Nicole F

  2:38 PM

  So you aren’t sitting there in the bookstore café writing out a relocation package proposal for the Stewarts, are you?

  Becky F

  2:38 PM

  Absolutely not.

  Nicole F

  2:38 PM

  Good. See you back here in the office soon, then.

  Becky F

  2:38 PM

  Yes. Absolutely.

  From: Becky Flowers [email protected]

  Date: March 15 2:43:27 PM EST

  To: Carly [email protected]

  Subject: Pricing for Judge and Mrs. Stewart

  Thank you for allowing Moving Up! Senior Move Management Consultants the opportunity to assist your husband’s parents in downsizing to a smaller home.

  I have some pricing ready for you derived from our meeting earlier today.

  I believe that it will only require five days of preparation and packing to clear your parents’ home. During these five visits my staff and I will help your in-laws sort their belongings and:

  •Pack everything that is relocating with them immediately

  •Store what they don’t feel is necessary to bring right away

  •Donate items in good condition they no longer care to keep

  •Sell items of greater value they no longer care to keep

  •Dispose of items of no value for which they no longer have any use

  We are prepared to offer you our complete Relocation Preparation Package for a total price of: $15,000.00.

  This price includes all packing, storage, and disposal materials, which we will deliver to your in-laws’ home, and remove when the project is complete.

  Also for your consideration:

  We offer a “resettling package.” When your husband’s parents have chosen a new home, we will ship their items to the chosen destination, travel to that home, then unpack them and:

  •Set up their furniture in their new home before their arrival

  •Make all beds

  •Put away kitchen items

  •Hang all clothes

  •Organize books and office materials

  •Remove all packing materials, and

  •Have their home move-in ready

  The Resettling Package costs an average of $5,000.00 (depending on amount of it
ems and distance shipped, and the cost of local overnight accommodations for the Moving Up! representative).

  Since we have a number of other clients at the moment, it would be very much appreciated if you could get back to us as quickly as possible so we could place your husband’s parents on our schedule. For your convenience, I’ve attached a contract for the Relocation Preparation Package for you to print out and sign should you choose to.