The Boy Is Back + Every Boy's Got One Bundle Page 7
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Pretty Kitty Play Time Figurine
$59.00 + Shipping
As pictured
March 13
This is an exquisitely detailed hand-painted ceramic figurine of three kitties playing with one another. I bought it because I’m a collector (and licensed reseller) but also because the kitties reminded me of my own three “kiddies” when they were younger—Marshall, Reed, and my sweet, beautiful Trimble—who would get up to all sorts of mischief when we left them alone in the house, just like these naughty kitties!
This item arrived today in perfect condition, and just when I needed a little pick-me-up, as the children are a bit angry with me. I suppose their father and I were the ones who were a little naughty last night! Goodness, it’s strange how things change over the years. One moment they’re the ones in diapers, and the next moment, it’s you! Pardon me if that offends anyone—a little senior humor!
Ooh, dear, I suppose I’ve strayed from my review a bit. Oh, well, in any case, I highly recommend these beautiful, playful kitties. They will liven up your home, and your heart . . . and hopefully the hearts of anyone who might be a bit angry with you, even though of course you didn’t mean to hurt anyone!
10 of 10 people found this review helpful
JUDGE STEWART ARRESTED
BY CHRISTINA MARTINEZ Herald Staff
Bloomville, Ind.—A retired judge has admitted that he attempted to defraud a local full-service chain restaurant.
The Honorable Richard P. Stewart, 75, was arrested Monday along with his wife of 50 years, Constance Stewart, for allegedly trying to pay for a $59 meal at Shenanigans Neighborhood Bar and Grill with a two-cent George Washington stamp, reportedly worth over $400.
“At first I was excited,” said server Tiffany Gosling, 24, upon finding the stamp attached to the bill for the couple’s meal. “I thought I’d gotten a really big tip.”
But excitement turned to dismay when Gosling did an Internet search of the stamp’s true value and discovered it was worth only $4.
“That wasn’t enough to cover their mozzarella sticks,” said Gosling. “Let alone their potato twisters.”
Gosling was not in favor of notifying the police. That was night manager Randy Grubb’s decision.
“Yes, I called the cops,” Grubb, 35, told the Herald. “This has been an ongoing problem with older people in the area thinking they can eat without paying due to something being wrong with the food or whatnot. It has got to stop. At the end of the night, I’m still accountable to corporate headquarters if the register comes up short.”
Attempts to clear up the misunderstanding did not satisfy Grubb, who insisted the couple be taken into custody.
“I know the Stewarts,” said Bloomville officer Corrine Jeffries. “I truly believe they thought the stamp was worth a lot more than it was. I don’t think they meant any harm. But ultimately what they did constituted fraud.”
Grubb insists he was only following corporate orders in notifying the police and insisting on the elderly couple’s arrest.
“Here at Shenanigans Neighborhood Bar and Grill, we don’t put up with actual shenanigans.”
When reached at home after Monday’s arrest, Stewart told reporters he was not aware the stamp had such little value.
“Of course I didn’t know. Obviously, I was scammed by the seller. I paid over $100 for that stamp.”
Stewart—who served two terms as Indiana state attorney general and thirty years as a criminal court judge in Bloomville—is now retired, but still represents occasional local clients in private practice along with his daughter, Trimble Stewart-Antonelli, 36.
Stewart’s eldest son, Marshall Stewart, 32, owns Stewart Realty Company. Another son, Reed Stewart, 28, is a well known professional golfer, and one of the youngest players in history ever to win the US Open.
Judge Stewart presided over a number of high profile cases during his tenure, including the well-known “Dumbbell Killer.”
In addition to state charges, Judge Stewart and his wife may face federal prosecution, as it is against federal law to use or attempt to use postage stamps in the pursuance of a crime.
From: Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com
Date: March 14 9:07:28 AM EST
To: Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Reed Stewart@reedstewart.com
Subject: This morning’s paper
Have you seen the paper this morning? What is going on? I thought you said you were going to take care of the situation.
But as usual, you haven’t taken care of ANYTHING!
Well, don’t expect any help from me. As I already told you, I’m out of this.
Trimble Stewart-Antonelli
Attorney at Law
Stewart & Stewart, LLC
1911 South Moore Pike
Bloomville, IN 47401
(812) 555-9721
www.stewart&stewart.com
From: Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com
Date: March 14 9:10:08 AM EST
To: Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com; Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Tony Antonelli@AntonelliPizza.com
Subject: Re: This morning’s paper
Trimble, calm down. We ARE taking care of it. Reed’s flying in today. We’ve got it all under control.
From: Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com
Date: March 14 9:13:28 AM EST
To: Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Tony Antonelli@AntonelliPizza.com
Subject: Re: This morning’s paper
Oh, Reed is flying in today? That’s your solution? REED is flying in?
What possible good is THAT going to do? Dad hasn’t spoken to Reed in ten years! He’s certainly not going to start listening to anything Reed, a professional GOLF player, has to say now.
I thought you were actually going to DO something to solve this problem. I should have known better than to count on you, Marshall. You were useless when you were a kid, and you’ve grown into a useless man.
Trimble Stewart-Antonelli
Attorney at Law
Stewart & Stewart, LLC
1911 South Moore Pike
Bloomville, IN 47401
(812) 555-9721
www.stewart&stewart.com
From: Tony Antonelli@AntonelliPizza.com
Date: March 14 9:17:28 AM EST
To: Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com
Subject: Re: This morning’s paper
Uh, if I might interject here, I actually think I might have a solution to all your problems.
I watched a show last night on TV about these people who will come to your house and move out all your stuff and then fix the house up and put in new stuff to make it look better, then hold a big open house to attract buyers.
Then they sell the house for you for twice as much as it’s worth, and then the sellers take that cash to move to a new, much bigger place.
I think that’s what you should do for your mom and dad. Just sign them up to be on that show!
Cheers.
Anthony Antonelli III
Antonelli’s Pizza
1371 South Moore Pike
Bloomville, IN 47401
(812) 555-PZZA
www.Antonellis.com
From: Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com
Date: March 14 9:20:08 AM EST
To: Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com; Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Tony Antonelli@AntonelliPizza.com
Subject: Re: This morning’s paper
Thank you, Tony, for that enlightening piece of advice. As realtors, Carly and I never thought of it. How fortunate we are to have you in our lives. We are truly blessed.
Sadly, however, your plan won’t work, seeing as how Mom and Dad have neglected to pay their mortgage for so long that their home is ABOUT TO BE SEIZED BY THE BANK.
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br /> We need to sell the place NOW, immediately, so Mom and Dad can downsize to a smaller, much less expensive place (hopefully not a cell in the local jail) so we can pay off some of their debt and keep them from going to FEDERAL prison.
We can’t wait for some television casting agent from Hollywood or Toronto or wherever to come here and decide whether or not Mom and Dad are telegenic enough to be on their show.
(Here’s a hint: They are not. Would you like to watch a show during which one of the homeowners begins to lecture the viewer about the historic significance of his stamp collection? I’m guessing not.)
But thanks for the help, Tony. Carly and Reed and I are handling the situation.
From: Trimble Stewart-Antonelli@Stewart&Stewart.com
Date: March 14 9:25:48 AM EST
To: Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com; Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com
Subject: Re: This morning’s paper
STOP making fun of Tony. You know he was only trying to help. Unlike us, he came from a loving home where they didn’t force the children to quote from classic fiction at mealtimes, and they never used sarcasm.
Now you’ve hurt his feelings and he doesn’t want to get together with you for Easter. He wants us to go to his parents’ in Muncie.
If you fail to comply with my demand to stop harassing my husband, you could risk incurring severe legal consequences.
So watch it!
Trimble Stewart-Antonelli
Attorney at Law
Stewart & Stewart, LLC
1911 South Moore Pike
Bloomville, IN 47401
(812) 555-9721
www.stewart&stewart.com
From: Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com
Date: March 14 9:26:02 AM EST
To: Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com
Subject: Re: This morning’s paper
Aw, Tony! Too Bad Tony.
From: Carly Stewart@StewartRealty.com
Date: March 14 9:28:03 AM EST
To: Marshall Stewart@StewartRealty.com
Subject: Re: This morning’s paper
We really are terrible people.
But your sister is even more annoying than Summer Hayes, which I didn’t think possible.
Carly R. Stewart | Accountant | Stewart Realty | 801 South Moore Pike, Bloomville, IN 47401 | phone (812) 555-8722 | Please visit StewartRealty.com for all your realty needs
Marshall
9:32 AM
So what are we doing to handle the situation?
Carly
9:32 AM
I got us a meeting with Jimmy Abrams this afternoon.
Marshall
9:32 AM
Jimmy Abrams isn’t a real lawyer! We went to high school with him.
Carly
9:33 AM
He is, in fact, a real lawyer, working for one of the best firms in the state specializing in bankruptcy.
Marshall
9:33 AM
My parents don’t need a bankruptcy lawyer. If Shenanigans doesn’t drop the charges, they’re going to need a criminal lawyer.
Carly
9:33 AM
Sweetheart, your parents need all the legal help they can get, but a bankruptcy lawyer is as good a place as any to start since they owe so much in back taxes. And Jimmy Abrams owes me a favor.
Marshall
9:34 AM
What kind of favor?
Carly
9:34 AM
Let’s just say I did him a solid back in 9th grade. So when you’re at your parents’ this morning, tell them they have a meeting with Jimmy this afternoon at 2:15PM.
Marshall
9:34 AM
Why am I going to my parents’ this morning?
Carly
9:34 AM
Oh, didn’t I tell you? Your mother called earlier, and she needs someone to bring in the trash cans.
Marshall
9:35 AM
Are you kidding me?
Carly
9:35 AM
No, I am not kidding you. Your dad’s complaining that he strained his back while getting arrested the other night.
Marshall
9:35 AM
I swear to God if he tries to file a claim of police brutality, I will go over there and give him something real to complain about.
Carly
9:35 AM
Nice. But someone does need to go over there and wheel in the trash cans or your parents will get another fine from the country club. Your mom can’t do it. She says her sciatica is acting up.
Marshall
9:35 AM
Why can’t Too Bad Tony do it? They live down the street!
Carly
9:36 AM
Your sister and executor of your parents’ will isn’t speaking to your parents anymore, remember?
Marshall
9:36 AM
Oh, for Crisis sakes. I mean Cross sakes. Whatever. I’ll do it. Should I take my dad to see Dr. Jones?
Carly
9:36 AM
You can try. But you know your dad doesn’t trust hospitals or doctors, not even Dr. Jones. He only willingly goes to see Dr. Jones when there is bone actually piercing his skin, like this past winter when he fell on the ice outside the garage.
Marshall
9:37 AM
Why do you have to remind me of these things?
Carly
9:37 AM
Sorry. Anyway, I did some research. Did you know there are people you can hire who do this kind of thing professionally?
Marshall
9:37 AM
What, bring in my parents’ trash cans?
Carly
9:38 AM
Well, that, too, but I meant help “seniors” transition into new living situations. They’ve been trained in exactly this kind of thing—convincing older people like your parents who need to downsize, relocate, or even stay where they are, but in a safer home environment, that it’s time to do so.
Marshall
9:38 AM
How do they do that, Carly? Magic? Hypnosis? Do they shoot them with tranquilizer darts? Because that’s what it’s going to take in my parents’ case.
Carly
9:39 AM
I told you, Marshall. They’ve got specialized training. They’re part social workers, part psychologists, and part organizing consultants who also know how to arrange short and long distance moves, declutter and clean houses, coordinate estate sales, and put families in touch with representatives from social services who can assess the wellness of their elderly loved one.
Marshall
9:40 AM
Did you just cut and paste that from a website?
Carly
9:40 AM
Yes.
Sometimes having someone from outside the family point out how much better their life could be is all it takes to convince an elderly person to pursue that life.
Marshall
9:40 AM
You’re kind of sexy when you’re resourceful.
Carly
9:41 AM
Thanks.
So can we hire someone from outside the family to get your parents to open up about their needs since they won’t listen to us, and you’re in denial about the whole thing?
Marshall
9:41 AM
For the last time, I am not in denial.
Carly
9:41 AM
Okay, you’re not in denial. Can we?
Marshall
9:42 AM
I don’t care what you do, so long as Reed pays for it.
Carly
9:42 AM
Great. That’s what I was hoping you’d say. There’s just one little problem.
Marshall
9:42 AM
What? The fact that my parents are going to jail so this whole thing isn’t going to matter anyway?
Carly
9:42 AM
No. The only senior moving consultant within a 100 mile radius is Be
cky Flowers.
Marshall
9:43 AM
NO.
Carly
9:43 AM
Marshall. We have to.
Marshall
9:43 AM
No, Carly, we don’t HAVE to. You’re only doing this to play matchmaker. I know you.
Carly
9:43 AM
No! Of course not. She seriously is the only one.
Marshall
9:44 AM
Carly, leave it alone.
Carly
9:45 AM
Honestly, Marshall, I don’t know what you’re talking about. She comes very highly recommended. She’s got about a million five star reviews on Yelp.
Marshall
9:45 AM
I’m telling you not to contact her. We can do this on our own.
Carly
9:46 AM
Marshall, no, we can’t, or your parents wouldn’t be the laughingstock of the Internet right now.
And your brother said that thing about how he’s getting tired of putting his head down on a different pillow every night. I think he’s finally ready to settle down.
Marshall
9:46 AM
But why HER? My brother practically ruined her life.